I wish I could say that my life has been one that started out good and just got better, but that just wouldn't be reality and for the most part, it wouldn't be anyone's reality. The truth is, life is challenging and at times downright hard. Sitting here thinking through my story leads me to a couple thoughts. First, I don't want to tell this so that you feel sorry for me or imply that my situation in life was solely a byproduct of my family or other's decisions. We all get to be old enough to make our decisions and we must live with them. Having said that, there are things that happen to us early on in life that may point us in directions that are not best for our lives. Secondly, whatever good has come out of my life is a direct result of the Lord Jesus Christ of whom I want to glorify with my story.
I was born the red headed kid with a few birth defects that needed surgery to fix. Thankfully I only have vague memories of the pain from the surgeries that ultimately helped me to walk normally. Growing up in the 60's and 70's weren't easy for a red head with seriously crooked teeth and a nose that looked like an eagle's beak and turned left. I kid about it now, but back then I could sneeze and hit the person to my left while the person in front of me wasn't in danger of getting anything on him!
Back then being bullied was a way of life! I mean really, it actually was! I grew up in a neighborhood that was low income and honestly wasn't kind to kids that were somewhat different. There were no anti bullying campaigns all over the internet and yeah, you guessed it, there was no internet either!
So, at a young age I learned to keep to myself, try to hide as much as possible, but was obsessed with bodybuilding. Mostly because I wanted to be bigger than everyone, feared and left alone to just walk to school or go out to play without getting beat up by a certain family of kids that lived in our neighborhood. Sadly, last I heard most of those kids died tragic deaths!
Time is an interesting thing, it flows by like a lazy river and before you know it you are years away from where you started wondering how you go there! I remember in school watching the clock tick painfully by each hour in classes, weeks go by slowly, months take an eternity! I thought I would never get out, but then all of a sudden I was married and had children!
Over time my obsession with bodybuilding grew to a fevered pitch which caused my parents to put me out of the house at 18 because I was already doing steroids, truth be told I was doing them in the 9th grade! My goal was to compete and be the best. My parents, who were born again Christians talked to me about salvation and even made us all go to church. I finally got saved at the age of 19 years old, but struggled with giving up bodybuilding for years. Eventually I did and felt God call me to the ministry which I pursued for over 20 years.
Like I said, time is a funny thing, you look up and you are almost 40 years old, a pastor and have your 3rd child on the way.
When Madisyn was born she was at the time #29 with Aicardi Syndrome. On a good day a hundred or more seizures and on a bad day...thousands! When she went home to be with the Lord 2 weeks after her 2nd birthday I was worn out. I couldn't help anyone anymore much less help my own self, so I preached my own daughter's funeral and then ran from God for the next 15 years.
Back to bodybuilding and chasing an IFBB pro card, which I won in 2018 but found myself miserable!
I was remarried to a wonderful woman who also became an IFBB pro in figure, but as perfect as everyone thought we were...we were on the verge of blowing apart!
I had run from God for so many years and was so miserable that I was making everyone miserable! Finally, one Sunday I repented of my running from God and asked God to forgive me for rebelling against Him. I knew I was saved, but I had lived like hell away from the Lord for all that time! I didn't find a God who was ready to drop the hammer on me, but a loving Heavenly Father who welcomed me back.
God has radically transformed my life! I retired from bodybuilding (repentance is changing your mind and going the other way) and allowed God to change every area of my life! I have peace in my heart and am so thankful for a Savior who loves me and never gave up on me and my marriage too. If you are someone that is far from the Lord I beg you to come back to Him! He is waiting with open arms. He wants to pick you up, clean you off and walk with you from here. Just in case you feel like you are unworthy, then guess what? You are and so am I, but God invites you back anyway! He loves you! If Sandra or I can help you please contact us through this site's contact form.
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